When a new person comes into your life and turns it upside down it can be the best feeling in the world. Your heart skips a beat every time that person smiles at you, and you can just see yourself by that person’s side forever.
The concept of forever, however, changes in time and all things that were like second nature become an every day struggle. The love isn’t gone but life has finally caught up to the two of you, and it might have been the very same life that you initially ran from.
I don’t know how to begin to heal. I’m scared that I won’t come back from this like I have before. At first it felt like the right choice, but now - now I think of what I could have done different; like how I should have been there for her, how I should have cared more and showed her how much she meant to me.
But it’s too late, there is nothing more to do, no more ways to try to make sense of the situation. She told me not to blame myself, but I do; every day I wish that I had done things differently.
At the ned of the day, when everything has been analyzed with a mad man’s mind, I finally confess to myself that I’m far from alright. I don’t feel well, and I can’t stop going trough it all in my head. My dreams aren’t kind to me anymore; they curse me and my choices and they make me not want to sleep.
I wanted to try to do things differently. But by the time I came around, your bearing had shifted. I guess it’s just bad timing.
You moved out, suddenly you’re not here anymore. You left me in our old place, with the ghosts of our relationship terrorizing me to the point that I think I’m going insane.
I have to get of this rock and follow my dreams, now that your dreams have been torn away from mine it’s impossible for me to see clearly on this island. I’m not happy. I know I could be happy with you, but I can’t make you want me again. That is something you’ll have to realize for yourself, and I’m scared out of my mind of the thought of that never happening.
And yeah, I might have had trouble saying what I feel to you. But i truly love you, with all of my broken heart.
The only comfort I have now, is knowing that time heals everything - even a broken heart.
The fat lady’s vibrato just dimmed away. This place is empty, containing nothing, but ready to be refueled. A blank page with everything erased as if it was never there. It’s a big world, it’s so easy to get lost on the way, and people loose each other all the time.
Loosing a friend and gaining experience will in the the end hopefully even itself out - becoming equally valuable. But the scars left in people will always show, always.
That’s what baggage means; drawing from previous situations to cope with what’s at hand.
But it is ok to be angry and to blame the world around us for what has happened. And if it helps, then great! I’ve cursed the world so many times throughout my life and I have found a better approach for me; I’ve let myself realize that people want and need different things. It has done me good, and I feel that I’ve begun my long journey to a place where I will be ok. So, good for me!
With the way ahead of me paved with choices to make I take my leave. Running the first distance but soon overtaken with reason I stop and start to think about my own reasons; do they make sense or are they fabricated to save myself from the wolves that are chasing me? I can hear them howl and I can feel their hunger breathing down my neck.
I doesn’t matter if I scream from the top of my lungs, they won’t rest. And neither can I.